Beautiful Life: The Carpino Series Read online

  Well, fuck me. That’s going to try my patience.

  “Gem, lay down and go back to sleep,” my voice comes out rougher this time.

  As if she’s snapping out of a daze, she gives her head a little shake again and immediately scoots down in the bed turning her back to me. The dog finally settles in, I take what I can, pressing my hip up to her back and lean down to kiss her soft hair. I feel her whole body tense but keep on and whisper against her hair, “Sleep.”

  I don’t move away, but start to pull my fingers through her hair, finding myself mesmerized by its weight and softness. After a few minutes of this, I feel her relax into me but also hear a very audible sigh. I smile as I keep at her hair. This takes a while, but I finally feel her body relax even more and hear her breathing even out. I take myself back to the sofa because if I don’t, I know I’ll crawl in bed behind her. Throwing myself down on the sofa, I bring the palms of my hands up to rub my eyes.

  She’s having nightmares. I don’t even know what to do with that. Pulling my hands through my hair, I look into the darkness toward the ceiling and mutter, “Fucking hell.”

  *****

  I open the door for the second night in a row, allowing the hall light to invade her room. Again she’s curled into herself. Again she’s whimpering. And again the dog is going crazy. I go straight to her and this time put my hands to her shoulders and lean in to say, “Gem. Wake up.”

  She startles awake, although she doesn’t seem as surprised to see me tonight. After another four episodes of Sex in the City, which is about to drive me fucking mad, I kissed her forehead, told her I was staying and pushed her off to bed after she tried to argue with me and I denied her the argument. I even brought sleep pants so I didn’t have to sleep in jeans and I wasn’t naked if I needed to go to her. Then I had to make myself tamp down those thoughts and remember my need for patience.

  She grabs onto my arms, like she’s holding on for dear life and wheezes, “I’m sorry. So sorry.”

  I’m a lawyer, not a psychologist. I have no idea how to take away nightmares. I decide to be selfish and do what I wanted to do last night. I yank her up, pull her into my lap and wrap her up in my arms. She’s tense but I put my hand to the back of her head and stuff her face in my throat while rubbing her back. She finally relaxes, slumping in my arms. All the while, the dog is jumping around the bed from the excitement. I say, “No Mia,” and she sits immediately.

  Finally, I whisper into her hair, “What are you dreaming about, Leigh?”

  She tenses again and mumbles against my neck, “I’m sorry I woke you again. I want to go back to sleep.”

  I pull back to look into her eyes and state, “It’s not going to go away if you don’t talk about it.”

  “I don’t want to talk about it. I can’t,” she says in a pained voice.

  “Gem, please?”

  “No,” she crawls out of my lap to lay back down facing away from me again.

  I sigh, move close to her and do what I did last night. She settles quicker tonight and finally goes back to sleep.

  Tonight it takes me longer to leave her. I sit here too long wondering what’s in her head she won’t let out. Making myself pull away, I finally go back to my spot on the sofa. Frustrated over what to do with her, I finally go back to sleep.

  *****

  The pain is so bad in my tummy and I knew. The minute I felt his foot there, I knew. Then the noise starts, the crying. It’s earsplitting from the echoes in this scary room. There’s so much blood, it’s everywhere. I have nowhere to go, nowhere to run. I’m trapped with the blood and the noise I can’t escape. As I feel the pain sharpen and start to leak out, I know it’s my fault. This shouldn’t have happened, but I did it and that’s on me. I’m the one who caused this and as that realization flows through me the noise gets louder and louder…

  “Gem,” I hear in my ear as I push my arms to get away. “Sweetheart, open your eyes.”

  I open my eyes and realize I’m up in Tony’s lap moving in his arms this time. Shit. It just won’t stop.

  I can’t help it. I’ve tried to fight it, but I’m too weak, especially the third night in a row. He’s wearing me down. I press into him to get as close as possible. He senses this and shifts me slightly to pull me in tighter. I sit here against his bare chest, so big and strong with his beautiful olive skin wrapped around me. I let myself drink it in. And I do. I drink in everything I can because it’s in the middle of the night, I’m weak and I can’t keep the nightmares away that are really just my reality which makes it all worse.

  “Gem--” Tony starts.

  I cut him off tonight, “I don’t want to talk about it.” Then I do what I shouldn’t do, what I didn’t know I could do, and that’s press even closer. If I could melt into his chest I would.

  I hear and feel Tony sigh, but then he takes me by surprise. He turns in the bed with me in his lap and falls back, landing on my pillows with me on top of him. Not stopping, he rolls us to our sides, sits up to flip the covers over us and flops back down. He proceeds to roll back to his side facing me and yanks me into his big hard chest. Reaching down he pulls my leg at the back of my knee up and over his hip, stuffs my face in his neck again and holds me tight as he mutters, “Sleep.”

  “Tony,” I start, a little breathless from our new position.

  “Relax.”

  “But--”

  “Go to sleep.”

  “I don’t think I--”

  “Do you want to talk about it?” he asks me firmly.

  I clamp my mouth shut.

  “Tell me about your dreams, Leigh,” again with the firmness.

  After quickly contemplating my options, I mumble, “I think I’ll go back to sleep.”

  He pulls back enough to kiss my forehead and whispers, “All right, sweetheart. Go to sleep.”

  It takes me a while to relax as my mind wanders over all kinds of things. Like, I’m glad I’m wearing my jammie pants and a tee instead of just my panties and a tee like I usually do. It’s impossible to not think about being pressed up next to Tony. His bare chest, big and warm, his long legs tangled with mine. He feels so good I think I could even let myself forget about my nightmares and the pain I caused over the last few months. Nothing has ever felt this good before.

  I shouldn’t let this happen. I’ve got to put a stop to this tomorrow. I’m going to let myself be weak for one more night, let myself have Tony like this for the few hours remaining before the sun comes up. I can’t kid myself, I’ll still be weak tomorrow, but I can’t let myself be stupid any longer. Being weak and stupid is worse than just being weak. Tomorrow is Monday and Gabby and Jude will be back in the morning, Tony can go home. It doesn’t matter how much I want him, how good he makes me feel, the Tony Torture has to end tomorrow.

  For now I press closer, seep into him and try to memorize every single caress he’s given me. And I pray I’ll never forget.

  *****

  “When are your interviews?”

  I look up at Gabby as I’m making lunch at the island in her huge kitchen. It’s Monday and Gabby is standing in the midst of boxes and storage containers in the process of decorating her home for Christmas. Since Gabby is a decorator, she doesn’t do anything small and by that I mean she does everything off the charts. She and Jude flew home early this morning from Colorado. Jude has his private pilot’s license and they borrow a friend’s plane when the weather is clear to quicken the trip. I think Jude knew the Christmas decorating was about to commence because he blew through here with their bags at the speed of light and turned to kiss Gabby goodbye to go to work.

  That’s when Gabby wrinkled her nose up at him and asked, “Can’t you carry the trees up? Just real quick. Please?”

  Jude looks down at her and sighs while shaking his head no and mutters, “Sugar.” He turns to move to the basement while yelling back at her asking, “Where do they go?”

  Gabby turns to give me her grin that says she just got her way before she follo
ws him to give instructions. Honestly. They’re super cute together. Although I would never say that to Jude, I don’t think he’s the kind of guy who would appreciate being referred to as cute. I’m really happy for them. They both had a hard road and seem to be very happy together.

  Now it looks like Christmas has exploded in her great room with Gabby at the center of the explosion. I’m making myself a sandwich and Gabby a salad.

  “I have three,” I answer. “One tomorrow, one on Thursday and one on Friday.”

  “Which one do you want?”

  I pull in a breath because I really want to work in my old department, ICU. I like being assigned a small amount of patients and the focus ICU requires will be good for me. I won’t be able to let my mind wander to dark places. I’m looking forward to have something else to focus on.

  “Tomorrow is the ER, which I don’t want. Thursday is ICU where I worked before and Friday is with a private practice for office work. I want to go back to ICU, it pays better than the private practice job and the ER is just for backup.”

  “I’m glad they have an opening in your old department,” she says as she arranges garland over her mantle. “It’s all coming together, you know? Like it’s meant to be.”

  I look up from my sandwich and see her standing on her stepstool looking at me with meaning. Gabby is the best friend I could ever hope for. She pulled me out of my hell hole with Preston when I felt my weakest and most broken.

  I say quietly, “Yeah, girlie. Like it’s all meant to be.”

  She smiles at me and then says carefully, “So…can I ask you something?”

  “Of course,” I answer, putting our lunches in front of two barstools. She wanders over to me and we sit down to eat.

  She picks up her fork and pushes her salad around. Looking up to me, she asks carefully, “What’s up with you and Tony?”

  I become completely immobile with a bite of sandwich in my mouth. Frowning at her, I rudely say with my mouth full, “What do you mean?”

  She gives me her knowing look like I know what she means, which I do. I turn away from her, chew my bite, swallow and answer again, “Nothing.”

  “Nothing?”

  Looking back at her, I repeat, “Nothing.”

  “It doesn’t seem like nothing. Even Jude is picking up on it. And,” she pauses, which makes me look back to her again and her eyebrows are raised when she continues, “Paige called me.”

  I blow out a breath because that can’t be good. Paige has been here for our Sex-in-the-City-Athons every night. And every night Tony is here, torturing me only the way Tony can, all for Paige to see and apparently inform my BFF.

  “First off, I’m pissed you all started Sex in the City without me, but I’ll just have to jump in and deal with it. And second, Paige also reports something is going on with you and Tony. I want to know. What’s going on?”

  “Nothing is going on, Gabby. Tony’s being sweet, just like the rest of your family. I don’t really know how to take it. You Carpinos are so nice it’s overwhelming,” I say sarcastically.

  “Yeah, that’s our way,” she returns equally as sarcastic. She goes on, “But from what I hear, Tony is being really nice.”

  Tony left my bed way early this morning, I’m sure to go to work. I haven’t let myself think about how nice it was sleeping up against him for those few short hours. But when he kissed me goodbye on the head, I rolled over to look up at him and trying to do the smart thing for a change, I say, “Tony, you have to stop this.”

  He grinned at me asking, “Stop what?”

  “You know what I’m talking about. You have to stop whatever this is,” I insist.

  What he did not do is agree to stop. What he did do was blow my mind when he leaned down and kissed me on the lips so softly, it was but a breath, and unlike every other caress he’d given me, I didn’t just feel that one down to my bones, but my soul and everywhere else throughout my body, giving me tingles. How can a breath of a kiss be so perfect?

  He pulls back slightly where I can only see his almost black eyes and he says, “Get used to it, gem. I’ll see you later, have a good day.”

  I look over at Gabby and give in, “I don’t know, Gab. I told him to stop. I need him to stop.”

  “Stop what?”

  I turn to look at her and raise my eyebrow. I see her eyes narrow and her jaw get hard. I turn back to my sandwich and Gabby doesn’t say another word about Tony. She finishes her salad, changes her clothes and said she’s off to the store for more Christmas lights. Where she’s going to find a place to put more Christmas lights, I have no idea.

  *****

  I hear her before I see her. I look up from the documents on my desk that are confounding me. This acquisition case should be open and shut, but something is amiss with the company being purchased and I’m not finding it. It should be more profitable than the books are showing. I don’t have time for her, but I am surprised it’s taken this long for it to happen. I lean back in my chair and wait.

  “You know why I’m here, Paige!” Gabby’s voice yells, getting louder and closer by the second before I see her standing in the door to my office.

  “You,” she points at me as she comes in and slams my door. “I have a bone to pick with you!”

  “Must be a big bone, you couldn’t do it over the phone,” I respond.

  “Don’t be your cool as a cucumber self, Tony. I’m not a client. You know why I’m here,” Gabby bites out, clearly pissed. She’s standing at the front of my desk with her hands on her hips, designer jeans, a fancy ass sweater and I can tell she’s wearing heels because she’s taller than normal.

  “I’m busy Gabba, cut to the chase.”

  On a huff, she says, “Leigh. I don’t know what you’re doing, but you had better stop. She is not some bimbo for you to conquer. Nor does she have the energy to put you off. She’s in a delicate place right now. I cannot believe with what she means to me, what she meant to my parents, not to mention what she has been through you would go there with her. Now I love you, Tony. You know I do. But there are times I have to love you despite how you choose to live your life with…with…women. And you know what I mean. Leave. Her. Alone.”

  I pull in a calming breath through my nose. I can’t say I don’t deserve that. I probably do. Now I have to rein it in and explain to Gabby what Leigh means to me.

  “Are you through?” I ask quietly.

  Gabby tips her head to the side to take in my demeanor. She knows me better than anyone, I can tell she sees it. Or she sees something, because she asks, “What’s going on, Tone?”

  I lower my voice, “Gabba, you think I’d go there with Leigh knowing what she means to you? What she meant to your parents? But especially after what she’s just been through if she didn’t mean something to me?”

  Gabby jerks back as if I’ve struck her. Shit, is it that surprising?

  “What does she mean to you?” Gabby pushes.

  “She means a lot to me,” I respond. “I’m taking a mind to her. I’m being patient. Shit, I’m handling her divorce now and I’ve read the police records. I probably know more than you. None of it’s good, Gabby. It’s all a shit load of bad. So yeah, I’m doing everything I can to make sure she’s mine, but I plan on handling her with care in the process. What I will not do is stop. She was tied to that asshole by the time I got out of school, I missed my chance then, I’m not missing it again.”

  “Really?” Gabby breathes. “You wanted a chance back then?”

  “Well, by the time I was ready, she was taken, but yeah. I just took too long to get my shit together,” I say.

  “You and Leigh?”

  “I hope,” is my only answer.

  “Oh, I’m going to cry,” she exclaims and starts to wave her hand in front of her face. “I’m sorry,” she goes on, “I’m sorry I said that to you. I had no idea. You know I love you. Shit! I hate crying.”

  I get up and go around the desk to her. She walks straight to me and plants her face
in my chest to give me a hug. I hug her right back and say, “It’s okay, Gabby.”

  “I’m really happy for you,” she says and then tips her head back to go on with a teary grin, “You know, she crushed on you all through high school.”

  “She did?”

  “Yeah,” she says with a giggle.

  “Well, fuck me,” I mutter, shaking my head.

  She giggles again and says, “I can’t wait to tell Jude. And I’m making dinner tonight, you have to come.”

  “Gabby, shut it down. I’ll handle it. I don’t need any help,” I say, hopefully getting my point across.

  “Okay,” she agrees a little too enthusiastically as she wipes her tears away.

  “I’m serious. I need to handle her in my own way. Do you know she dreams?” I ask.

  “Dreams?”

  “Yeah, nightmares.”

  “No. Did she tell you?” she asked.

  “No, I heard her. I’ve slept on your sofa for the last three nights. Every night she’s had a nightmare and she won’t talk about them. You’ve probably never heard because your room is far away from hers.”

  “You stayed all weekend?” she asks further.

  “I didn’t want her to be by herself.”

  Gabby tips her head and her face softens, “You stayed with her. I’m so glad you were with her, but I don’t know what to do. I can’t get her to go to a therapist. I’ve tried.”

  “I don’t know. But something’s gotta give. I’ll be over tonight for dinner, but you need to play it cool for her sake. And I hope Jude likes Sex in the City,” I say shaking my head, knowing since he’s like me, he has no clue what he’s in for.

  Gabby frowns and says, “I don’t think Jude’s going to like Sex in the City.”

  “Trust me, he won’t,” I say with meaning.

  “Okay, let me know what you need from me. You have to get through to her, Tone. She can’t go on like this much longer.”

  “I know, but for now you need to go. I’ve got a shit load to do.”