Beautiful Life: The Carpino Series Read online

  “Okay, see you tonight. I won’t mention you’re coming. I can totally play it cool.”

  “Great,” I mutter, thinking there’s no way Gabby will be able to play it cool. I turn my attention back to my acquisition case, hoping it’s easier to figure out than Leigh.

  Chapter 5 - What Ifs

  About a week before Christmas…

  “Yes, I’ll let you know if her oxygen level dips again. She’s been stable for the past hour and a half. Thanks,” I pause to take a breath. “Yes, it’s good to be back.”

  I hang up the phone with the doctor and look back to the chart in front of me. It’s my first day back. It’s been three years, but how could I forget how busy this is? Last week I went through orientation, shadowed in the ICU where I used to work and started back today.

  I finish with my chart as it’s time to see to my other patient. A lot of the same nurses are still here who worked here three years ago. They’ve all been super welcoming, but I think it has something to do with them being short staffed. Having another nurse means two patients per nurse again making everyone happy to have me back.

  The last few weeks have been…well…not terrible. Tony has made himself a fixture in my life, whether I wanted him in it or not. And I’ve let myself take from him since Thanksgiving weekend when he worked his way into my bed. I thought for sure he wouldn’t come back after Jude and Gabby got home from Colorado, but there he was again. I tried my best to push him away, but he wouldn’t allow it.

  All those weeks ago after more Sex in the City, I took myself to bed barely offering a goodnight to everyone. I was settled in bed when Tony shocked me more than he’s ever shocked me. I was trying to find sleep when he barged into my bedroom uninvited, sauntered in wearing no shirt and a pair of loose pajama pants that fit low on his hips and walked to the side of my bed where he ordered, “Move over.”

  “What are you doing?” I ask, almost breathless from seeing how great his pajama pants hang low on his hips, his lean muscular chest bare and his hair messy, probably from pulling a shirt over his head.

  “Move,” he repeats. “We’re going to try something.”

  “What are you talking about?” I ask, this time in a panicked voice.

  Even though I haven’t moved over, he pulls back the covers and starts to climb in while saying, “You slept like the dead last night for the few hours I was here. We’re going to see if it works again.”

  At this point I don’t have a choice but to move over since he’s pushing me over. My voice becomes even more panicked as I declare, “You’re not sleeping here!”

  “Consider it an experiment,” he informs me, as if he is telling me it’s supposed to be cloudy tomorrow.

  “No! We’re not experimenting!”

  “Yes we are.”

  “Stop it, you need to leave. Now!” I say in another panicked voice, because…well…I’m panicking. Tonight I’m in my panties and an old tank top. I’m barely dressed.

  Tony, who is now in my bed, leans up on an elbow and puts his hand behind my head pulling it toward his face to say, “Relax. The thought of going home tonight and leaving you to your dreams just about did me in. Let’s see if you still dream sleeping next to me. If you don’t, terrific. If you do, I’m here. But there’s no way I can lay my head down ten minutes away from you wondering if you’re battling those demons by yourself.” I close my eyes and try to pull away but he doesn’t let me. Opening my eyes again, he adds softly, “Experiment with me, gem. Please.”

  I let out my breath audibly because I don’t think there is any way I can get him to leave. I finally bite out, “Fine.”

  I scoot down in my bed pushing Mia out of the way and move as far away from him as I can. This doesn’t work because Tony moves in right behind me, turns me to him and puts his arms around me even though I’m as stiff a board. Then just like last night, he runs his hand down my thigh to my knee, pulling my bare leg up and over his hip settling us in. My leg that now has goose bumps from his hand gliding over my bare skin.

  I feel his lips come to my forehead where he says with authority, “Go to sleep.”

  I realize there’s no way he’s going to give me my space. He’s one persistent guy. I pull in a breath to try, relax myself and settle in. It really isn’t as hard as I thought it might be since he’s pulling his fingers through my hair and it feels really good. I start to feel myself melt away and quicker than normal, I’m out.

  The next thing I know, I’m on my back with something warm pressed up against my side and something heavy across my chest. I feel his lips against my temple as I blink my eyes open to find Tony’s arm lying across my front, angled up with his hand on the other side of my face. Without thinking, I turn my head to the side to look into his almost black sleepy eyes.

  He takes my breath away when he says to me, “Experiment was a success, gem. Have a good day.” He kisses my forehead softly and goes on, “And you’ll be seeing me tonight.”

  I’ll be seeing him tonight?

  But as he gets up to leave me, I realize he’s right. I didn’t dream. I slept through the night, escaped the noise and the pain that takes over my body when I sleep.

  And that’s how it has been for the last three weeks ever since Thanksgiving. Tony comes to me every night and I take it all knowing I shouldn’t but wanting it badly because I’ve only dreamt twice with Tony in my bed. He never wants anything more, he pulls me into his arms where I willingly go, he kisses me on the head and tells me to go to sleep.

  I’m more rested and less stressed, even though my divorce still isn’t final. Preston is claiming he was high on drugs the night be beat me, causing me to lose our baby. He has checked himself into a thirty day treatment program and another court date has been set for the middle of January when he is supposed to be finished with his pretend treatment. Preston could drink heavily and was a mean drunk, but he never did drugs. I would recognize the signs being a nurse. Tony was none too happy when he had to deliver this news, promising me it should be over in January.

  My second patient is due for his meds in ten minutes so I head that way to chat with him until it’s time. He’s elderly and doesn’t seem to have a lot of visitors. Since I’ve been here for almost ten hours, we’ve gotten to know each other well. I’m almost to his room when my phone vibrates again. It has been going crazy for the past hour and a half and I haven’t had a chance to even pull it out of my pocket to see who it is. Checking my watch, I’m able to spare a couple minutes so I turn back to the nurses station as I pull out my phone. I have five voice mails and eleven texts, all from Gabby, Paige and Jude. What the hell?

  I slide my thumb across the screen and answer with a smile, “I know it’s my first day back, you must really miss me.”

  “Oh, Leigh. You finally answered. I thought I was going to have to come find you,” Gabby breathes making me stop in my tracks.

  “What’s wrong?” I demand.

  “Leigh, I don’t…” her voice hitches and I can tell she’s crying. I hear the phone being shuffled around and Jude talking to her in the background.

  “Gabby?” I say louder, trying to get her back on the phone.

  “Leigh? You’ve got Jude.”

  “Is she okay?” I bite out.

  I can tell he’s softened his voice when he starts, “No, Leigh. Something has happened today, Gabby’s okay now, I’ll explain later, but it’s Tony. We’re here at the hospital. He’s in surgery,” I hear him pull in a breath and pause. “Leigh, he’s been shot. He lost a lot of blood and they rushed him into surgery immediately.”

  “What?” I ask, but can barely hear the word myself.

  Tony’s been shot? How could he have been shot? As stupid as this sounds after learning such horrific news, all I can picture in my mind is his unruly hair that falls to his forehead and how his almost black eyes are so soft when they sweep my face it feels like a touch. As I reach out to hold on the desk, I try to catalog every touch and caress he’s given me over the past coupl
e months that feel like gifts. Gifts I now realize I’ve taken for granted. He’s given me everything I’ve needed without me offering anything in return. I think about when I’m with him I feel safe and I can’t remember the last time I felt safe. He’s even given me the gift of sleeping peacefully for the first time in I don’t know how long. But I have nothing to offer him…

  “Leigh, are you there? Are you okay? How much longer do you have on your shift?” Jude presses, breaking into my thoughts.

  “I…two hours, I think. How long has he been in surgery?” I ask trying to get my wits about me. I feel like I’m good under pressure, you have to be as an ICU nurse, but when it’s someone you know, someone you care about, it’s a different story.

  “About an hour and a half I think,” Jude says. Now that I’m concentrating again, I hear Gabby crying and Jude says close to the phone, “Shhh, sugar, settle down.”

  I move to the computer to see where Tony is and what surgeon he’s with as I ask, “Is she okay?”

  “The doctor’s thought she was in shock. I’ll explain it all soon. I’ll call as soon as I know something. Are you going to be okay? Can you finish your shift? I know this is your first day back, but you and Tony…” Jude leaves the sentence open, as I’m sure he doesn’t know how to finish it. Hell, I don’t even know how to finish that sentence.

  I hear the tone of my watch, reminding me my sweet elderly patient needs his meds, “I’ve got to go. I’ll be there as soon as I can. Call me if you hear something.”

  As my fingers fly across the keyboard, I find Tony was admitted with a gunshot wound to the abdomen and he’s with one of the top surgeons on staff. Not that any of them are bad, but he’s the one I’d pick if I had to. Forcing my body to move to my patient, I feel numb all over. I triple check his meds before administering them, I don’t need to make any mistakes because my mind isn’t where it needs to be.

  I try not to let myself think about the what ifs. What if his family loses him? What if Gabby loses him? The Carpinos have lost dearly over the last few years with Gabby’s parents’ car accident. And I can’t let myself think about what if I lost him. But I do think about everything he’s given me in the past two months. Reasons to smile. Reasons to laugh. Reasons to forget. Reasons to be happy. Reasons to feel alive.

  I’ve taken it all.

  And I’ve given him nothing in return.

  I go to find my head nurse to beg off early. I’ve already agreed to work back to back shifts Christmas Eve and Christmas allowing other nurses to be home with their families. She seems kind, maybe she’ll understand.

  *****

  “His stats are good, Lizzie. He’s here because he lost a lot of blood and they had to remove his spleen, but he’s stable. You and Tony should try to rest. Visiting hours begin at eight in the morning,” I hear her whisper. “Yeah, I don’t have another shift until tomorrow night, I’ll go home in the morning to sleep. I promise I won’t leave him, Lizzie. Get some rest.”

  I barely feel anything, but sense something soft brushing across my forehead. My eyelids are like anvils, I’ve tried a couple of times but I’ve barely gotten glimpses of my parents, Gabby, my sisters and I can’t even remember who else. Now it’s quiet other than her voice. I try again to lift my lids and Leigh is right here, inches from my face.

  “Hey,” she whispers and I see her worried face looking down at me. I blink, slowly trying to open my eyes again and realize her hand is on my forehead, her fingers brushing through my hair. “You’re going to be okay, go back to sleep.”

  I pull my hand up as best I can and she grabs it to threads our fingers. I open my eyes to see her lean in close.

  “Leigh,” I say, but it barely comes out through my rough throat.

  “Tony, they just gave you more pain meds, go back to sleep. Don’t fight it.”

  “Gem,” I start, but she cuts me off.

  “Please, Tony. Rest.”

  Not because I want to but because I can’t fight it, my eyes go heavy and I can’t keep them open another second, losing her beautiful face. I start to drift off, but I swear I feel her lips brush the corner of my mouth as I hear her whisper, “I’m sorry, Tony.”

  As much as I want to see her, touch her, know she’s real after what I just fucking went through and being shot, I can’t find the strength to open my eyes.

  Then there was nothing.

  *****

  Gabby

  Three days later…

  I hear her come in the house and look up from my Kindle. Looking across the great room and through the kitchen, Mia races that way and I hear her greeting my dog before I see her. As she comes around the corner in her scrubs and sees me, she freezes for a millisecond before quickly recovering, looks away and goes straight to the refrigerator. She’s been avoiding me and everyone else since Tony was shot. I don’t know what’s going on with her, but I do know she’s avoiding everyone to avoid Tony, and that pisses me off.

  “How was your day?” I break into the silence.

  I hear her sigh as she says into the refrigerator, “Busy.”

  I let her have her silence for a few minutes as she pulls out some leftovers to nuke. Finally speaking to me, she asks, “Where’s Jude?”

  “Working late,” I say.

  She gives me a nod of her head before studying her dinner.

  “It’s been three days, Leigh,” I start.

  Her eyes immediately shoot to mine and she bites her lip.

  “He asked for you again today,” I say.

  She takes a bite, chews slowly and the silence again hangs between us.

  “Leigh?” I call for her.

  “How is he?” she tries to pull off conversational but it comes out strangled.

  “He’s grumpy,” I stress. “Not to mention pissed. He said he’s called you. And texted. He said you won’t respond.”

  “I’ve been busy, working my shifts and picking up extras so other nurses can be off for Christmas. I’ve told you this.”

  “You do work in the same building where he’s hospitalized, Leigh. Go see him.”

  “You know how busy I am at work and--”

  “He asked how you were sleeping,” I say sharply, interrupting her.

  She shuts her mouth instantly.

  “He’s worried about you,” I add.

  “Gabby, please--”

  “I told him you look tired,” I interrupt her again.

  She slams her fork down on her plate and glares at me. Yanking opening the cabinet to the trash, she dumps her barely touched nuked dinner and roughly puts her dishes in the dishwasher before stomping by me, through great room and toward the basement.

  Just before disappearing around the corner to the stairs, she turns and says while looking at the floor, “I’m sure he’ll be discharged any day. He needs to rest so his body can heal. You need to make sure he has a quiet space to do that. I know you all are going to want to be near him, help him, cook for him and everything else you all are so good at. Do it in a way he can rest and heal without the chaos.”

  With that, she disappears to the basement with my dog running after her.

  Well, shit. That didn’t go well.

  *****

  Jude

  One Week Later…

  I rap on his door after ringing the doorbell twice. It’s been well over a week and even though he’s been shot, he can get off his ass to open the front door. I haven’t seen him for a couple days since Christmas Eve when he was a downright Scrooge. I’m not saying he doesn’t have a right to be pissy after taking a bullet, but I know it’s more about Leigh than a GSW to the gut.

  I hear the lock. He opens the door and stares at me without inviting me in, telling me to fuck off or silently moving out of the way to let me know I’m welcome even if he’s pissed I’m here.

  I hold up my bag and say, “Bleu Peppercorn Burger with fries or Reuben with fries. You pick, I’ll eat the other. You gonna let me in?”

  He picks option number three, moving silently
letting me know I’m welcome even though he’s pissed I’m here. Even if I did bring food.

  I follow him silently to the kitchen and park it at the island as he moves slowly and gingerly to the fridge where he pulls out ketchup and Cokes. He comes to the island and starts opening plastic containers grabbing the Reuben.

  “So what have you been doing?” I ask before digging into my burger.

  “Working,” he mutters.

  “You supposed to be working?” I ask.

  Without turning away from his sandwich, his eyes come to me and with a full mouth he bites out, “Are you fucking kidding me?”

  “Yeah…sorry,” I mutter back. I know the silence will continue so I forge on, “Gabby and I are leaving for Colorado tomorrow. We’re driving this time, she has a shit load of furniture she wants at the cabin. Not to mention the kitchen’s getting a re-haul. I’ll be glad when that’s done. We’ll be there a week, past the New Year.”

  “Gabby told me,” he said.

  “I figured. Leigh’ll be at the house with the dog, they’re inseparable. I can’t say that hasn’t been nice,” I say as I toss another ketchup covered fry in my mouth.

  Again, he has nothing to say so we eat quickly, mostly in silence.

  Finishing my Coke and throwing my trash in the bag, I get up and pull a piece of paper out of my pocket and hold it up to him between my index and middle fingers. He frowns as he takes it asking, “What’s this?”

  “Just tryin’ to repay a favor. Or favors, I should say. You invited me to Fantasy Football and now I’m getting married in two months. Not to mention you took a bullet for your cousin and my woman. If you want, I’ll kidnap Leigh myself and drag her ass over here, but I thought you’d rather try and finesse the situation a bit first. I don’t want her to hate me but if it comes to that, I’ll do it. For now, that’s her schedule at the hospital for the next two weeks. Good luck man,” I slap him on the shoulder and without looking back, I leave him in the kitchen knowing he’ll figure it out while letting myself out the front door. Hopefully he’ll have this shit wrapped up before we get back from the cabin. Gabby’s driving me insane with the he-said-she-said drama from hell. She has a wedding to plan.